Does it ever feel like you're still eight years old? That you're really just playing make believe. You don't really know how to be fifteen, you don't know anything about boys, or fashion, or cooking. You just pretend that you do, and somehow its life. I feel like I'm in over my head with all this stuff, like when will I feel my age?

why is it that we crave the affection of others?
but then when it stays, we feel like it smothers.
we want to be loved, to be held by another,
but when wrapped in their arms, we are fast to discover,
just because he keeps you warm, doesn't mean he's your lover
underneath this shadowed blanket, it's still cold, you uncover.

hello downity,
my name is allison.

how do you choose to come today?
shall you arrive suddenly,
or will i hear you knocking?

how will you appear today, downity?
will you look shiny sharp,
or in tiny droplets down my cheeks?

will I enjoy your company, dearest?
you can be almost a comfort,
but sometimes I can't handle you.

how long are you staying, darling?
are you just stopping by,
or do I need to make room for you,
in my head tonight?

I hate to be rude downity,
but you're a bad influence on me.
if you could just stay away,
it'd be greatly appreciated.

Just kidding downity,
I'm sorry I said that.
Come back, have a seat.
distract me.

Here we are, the year is winding down.
Another year of school gone by.
What's changed?
Have I? Of course.
these expiriences, these regrets.
How much could happen in a year.
I'm baffled.
who am I now?
Worse or better than 365 days ago.
I may never know.
I won't sit here and tell you I regret this whole year,
instead i'm just gonna say, that next time my instincts tell me something, I promise to go with them.
As soon as I figure out which part of me is instinctive, and which part is lying to me.
Its strange how I lie to myself.
i'm out to get me.

from the roof of this house.
nothing extends beyond the trees.
from this spot where i sit,
all i hear is my own voice.
from this place where i am,
that voice shakes,
it knows not if it's mine.
from the shingles where i sing,
I'm the only one who exists,
but I'm one of a million.

what the fuck am i doing?

i think my subconscious doesn't want me to be happy.
it's awful.
my subconscious hates me.

its like I'm trying to fuck everything up,
i just want it all to be perfect.

this is a lost cause.

what the fuck am i doing?

steel city, you'll always be a part of me.

you inspire me.

math class, today:

tell me i'm yours
you'll always be mine.

speak words and smiles,
give me the signs.

that would be perfect,
in a fantasy daze

but be realistic,
it's all just a phase.

I want to believe you,
but life's made me dark.

i've been here before,
i've felt all these sparks.

how are you sure?
your confidence shines..

I'm afraid of my mind,
she's lied too many times.

my heart's just the same,
confused with what's right.

I'm sorry my darling,
this is more than tonight.

May 5th, 2009
(I'm really proud of this one)

I'm so glad you're mine
You're the best that exists,
from your toes to your nose,
to the palms in your fists.

but you see there's this thing, love
too large to ignore,
this heart has been broke,
straight down through the core.

I thought he was true,
this past lover of mine,
but the love that we shared
was not one of a kind.

I held on so tight,
to the fairytale, i pretended.
but when the storms passed,
a loss of hope had descended.

I had to let go,
something hard for me to do,
my heart? it was broken.
and our love? it was through.

so please, my new lover
be patient, understand
my heart's still reforming,
in the palm of your hand.

Tell me what you're thinking
I can't handle this guessing game.
Am I winning or losing?
two hundred just for passing go,
but then what happens?
Here on the boulevard,
things will never be the same,
for you, for me.

do you ever think

about how easy it would be to slip right back down.
let yourself fall right back into that place.

when something goes wrong, in even the slightest,
how easily you could just fall back into familiarity.

but you know you can't.
it wouldn't really solve anything.
you know it wouldn't.

sometimes, it's just hard though.

Sitting here in my underwear..

my house is hot.

hahahah.

my mom needs to learn that the average person can not comfortably survive at the temperature of 100 degrees...celcius.

okay maybe I'm exaggerating a little,
either way.. :P

Last night was a lot of fun :]
Today was too, but i started worrying.
I need to let go.
Just let it all go.

I'm so over you.
Wow i'm so over you. Infact, i've never been soo over ANYONE in my entire LIFE.

Seriously..
what did I see in him?

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but you're being an ass.
I don't even care anymore. Go ahead, go get an std from that random bitch.. It doesn't matter to me.
Like seriously, I'm so happy that for the first time, I can say that and completely mean it. It's really really great :)